18o1o6

KAILING SAYS HI! and the time now : o3:57am. she told me she's blastin her brain w blardy FNN. lol.
18o1o6 11.47pm
wednesdays r gonna be very draggy from now onwards le..lessons for all sec4exp end at 144o. haiix. bored. and itx lik..why ey hafta put al e 7periods al aftr recess..-_-. reli train our endurance . hmm..n i was feelin lik shat durin pac today. a/cs slackedd le.answered all e asked questions wrongly.and i cldnt balance the bs jz nw whn i did e hmwrk qn.lik,fcuk. haiix. din practice enuf la.itx my only strong subj lo. Os lvls cn die w/o a/cs. forget it la. guess i jz hafta put in extra effort nw le..hmmm. dn i was feelin so shat- my whole mood jz went down aftr a/cs. haiix.hmmm.lunch was terrible. LOL. cuz we had so many couples all ard us. hahax. bdn, ey r lik, sweet la. n is reli xian mu lorrx.
i read e whole chunk. once, twice. n nw im readin it agn. i've read it at least 10 times. n i stil hv gt a mixture of feelings. happy, sad, guilty, jealous. hmmm..welll..i jz wana let u noe..wadeva i've told u..i meant it..and well. i too wish if dere werent such tng s ur pride la. cuz it was cuz of one dumb particular reason- and it reli sucked la.for one, tt one day chngd me. i had felt different on tt day le. it told me, e more i cared e more itx hurtin me. i tot if i din care, everyth wld b so much better. if i din ask, i wldnt noe. sometimes i jz wish i wun noe those stuffs. cuz while i was supposed to comfort u in e firz place, i cld nv find e words aftr hearin e stuffs. yes i was e one hu chngd. n im startin to tnk we reli cant get along..mb ttx a fact, mb ttx an excuse. it has never been easy to maintain tt smile on my face when inside i felt lik crap, but i stil tried to make u smile.every time i tried, each tym i failed. i jz cldnt. i wasnt even tnkin straight. n i ALWAYS get u pissd cuz of tt. im not worth it. im not fit to even b ur fren. ur right. im never dere even thou i promised u i will.im lik, yupp convinced le. cuz u cld feel evryth of **. ** cld feel evryth of u. u cld feel e intensity of ** pain, n ** cld uds hw u feel whn u gt no one else to turn to. not only tt. i choose to sy i don uds u cuz dere were so many times even thou we were jz right in front of each other n i jz don fathom wad ur tnkin. so much for wantin to make u happy, wantin e best for u. at e most, i cld only make u smile. but ** cld make u laugh. i cld make u stop cryin, but ** cld put tt smile back onto ur face. i noe myself, im a person hu gets jealous v easily. n it owaes gets e better of me. i ended up ventin all my anger on u. cuz i hated e way u went crazy over **/ i hated e way u cld do tt for **. i hated e way u kept mentionin **. but most imptly, i hated myself for caring so much. im a idiot. cuz i vented my anger on u. welll. hopefully itx over. ALL OVER. cuz nw im regrettin doin wad i did. i keep tellin myself i aint supposed to hv any reaction..cuz i've given u up. n nw tt i've done so, im supposed to b able to console u in a fren's point of view. but last night i realised, i stil cld nt fully do tt. i even felt like crying. HAHA. see. ttx me laughin at myself. and agn, nw im walkin back to e startin point whn u r almost gonna reach e end le. wadeva wadeva wadeva. i duno wad to sy le. im feelin damn confused inside ryt nw.
and ohyahh. i tnk i've disappointed all those hu trusted in me. haiix. sorry ppl. really really sorry. n thank you all so much for always bein dere no matter wad happens. i lurv u ppl fae!
e only bad tng abt slpin is e moment u opn ur eyes, evryth comes back to u. e reality slapped bac into ur face.
/efascination,-keaiiii!!!!!