23o512

i'm getting so tired of saying this,
i'm getting so tired of having these thoughts on my mind.
I'm getting so tired obsessing about what you really feel.


All i want is an answer, yes or no,
so that i can choose to walk away or stay.
Why is it so hard to decide, when you claim to feel for me the way you do? Do you not feel so? Then don't tell me those words. I don't want to believe you, but i end up doing so anyway.. all the time. And it does me more pain than Anything.
I hate to be pressurizing you, but i've never lost myself in this way before.
I've never felt so out of control since L. When L. slipped away from my hands, there was nothing i could do but to watch it happen.


I feel you slipping away, but i wonder if its my self defense working for me,
or am i thinking too much?
Im dying to let go first, so that i wouldn't have to experience the exact same process, with twice the amount of pain.
i love you so much its driving me mad. every time you come close to me, its hard to say no, every time i hold you, its hard to get back on track, to wake myself up and tell me this is what you call, "Wrong". 


How can it be wrong when it feels so Right to have you by my side?
How can it be so wrong when i feel so lost when i don't get to see you?
How can it be so wrong when i feel like i can do anything when i'm with you?


How could i have allowed things to come to this stage?
Where did all my self-control go?
I don't know if you'll see this, i hope you Don't Ever, so you don't know how whiny i am, how weak i am,
so you don't get annoyed at me for keeping this on my mind all the time.


Baby, how long can we keep this up?
I keep waiting for you to take me, 
You keep waiting to save what we have.
I wish i could keep my distance, say i love you when you're not listening. But i can't. I've given my all and now there's too much to lose. Much as i try to hold back, i have taken all steps forward, i'm exposed, i'm way too vulnerable. Any move you make, any step you take, i'm bound to get hurt.


I ask myself at the end of all these, Why did i let myself get here? How on Earth did i end up here?

This is just so out of control. I can't deal with it anymore. I'm on the verge of breaking down.
I'm so tired. I wish you weren't such a good friend whom i tell Everything to at the same time.