o31oo9

many times i find myself questioning myself,
why are things like that, what did i do,
which was the wrong step i took,
why is it that at my most desperate, when i try my best to keep people around, the further they go?
when we used to be the ones there, down and out we were pulling each other up, most of them are not anywhere near me now.

with every single time, i failed.

it must be me who didn't know to how handle things well, didn't say the best things, didn't do the rightest things at the right time.
they say my judgment fails me because i think too simply and believe too easily.
either i believed truly in what i thought would have been, would have lasted, or i was Stupid.
but as stupid as it may seem,
i hold on firmly to what i still believe. How do you Live without Faith?

in you, i hope my judgment doesnt fail, that when everyone is saying it may be wrong, and it may be all not within my imagination and thought, i hope you Know this trust i have in you, the hope that i may be Right for at least Once.

While i try my best to maintain minimal but existential conversation with you now,
i hope you know i'm stil around.
there's just something about you that i can't let go.
you were the one i fought so hardly for,
wanted so badly,
but now that you drew the line so clearly, i can only watch from behind the line.
i reach out for you when you fall, but you know, the distance, makes it difficult for me to even grab you tight, much less catch you.

and fion,
i think i owe you a proper apology,
i'v been busy, i don't reply you, i don't listen to what you have to say,
but sometimes i just want to do my own Work, and shut myself out from everything else, so that i can not be obsessively thinking about all these, and many others.
i'm Sorry.