12o6o9

many things ran through my head,
i pushed them all away,
i don't dare to pose these questions to you,
partly because i probably don't want to know the answers,
or maybe because, i don't want to let myself think.

Fate is a very magical thing,
and it can be an obstruction just as well..
Fate is the reason why i saw elvan ytd at night,
if i hadn't ran for the bus, if i hadn't ran for the train,
if i hadn't ran for the traffic light,
if i wasn't sitting on the upper deck,
if i didn't happen to look down,
i wouldn't have seen ben sherman the elvan.

if i hadn't known you,
if i had been in a bad mood that day at training,
i wouldn't have been so rowdy that day,
i wouldn't have talked to you.
Maybe then you would have decided to join touch rug.
maybe you would have been with the other him,
maybe you wont know the now him.

and now,
i won't be thinking of all these what ifs,

and by some stroke of luck, you might have been with him.

up till now,
i don't understand what happened,
i can only tell myself,
that i didn't do enough for you to stay there with me.
that i wasn't entertaining enough for you to talk to me,
that i wasn't interesting enough for you to want to see me.

i reread the entry, twice, thrice, i think i can memorise every single word in there,
when it happened yesterday,
i was numb,
part of me saw it coming,
part of me couldn't accept it,
no matter how prepared you are, when it does happen to you,
you realise,
you still can't deal with it.

i can't deal with losing You,
and knowing that something Almost happened,
but i'm Waiting, i Want you back,
i have No list, i didn't annotate it down,
but it comes from my heart, i mean it even more,
its Nothing, But You.

StudyHard, Baby,
you know you can do it.
and would you bring me to UWW , again?